Hide or Go Seek

Posted: October 11, 2011 in Uncategorized

For a couple of days now I’ve been walking around with a bit of angst in my heart. It’s that uncomfortable feeling that rises from the center of our being, a gnawing of the soul, a signal that something isn’t quite right or sometime big is about to happen. It’s the kind of feeling that most of us don’t welcome with open arms because, well, it’s messy and time consuming and we aren’t in control.

I’ve tried escaping this feeling, played the running and hiding game before, and despite how resolute I am, I can only run for so long. The comfort food, the extra glass of wine, the insane schedule, the mindless television…all the ways I distract myself eventually catch up to me. I’ve done it all before, but NOT this time.

This time I’m sitting with it, kind of staring it down I guess. It’s uncomfortable, it feels scary but I’m not giving up despite my occasional squirms and recurring thoughts about bolting for the door. The good news is that I think I might be getting somewhere. Answers are coming. Slowly. But, they are coming. And, it feels better, like I’m climbing over the mountain instead of going around it.

Avoidance behavior is interesting to me. I think it’s one of those human doings that we don’t have to learn, it just comes natural to us. But, I think we CAN learn to change, to not avoid the things that don’t make sense to us, that trouble us, the unresolved-ness of that certain something in our heart. But, we gotta slow down to hear. We gotta stop running and hiding.

I’m almost excited to walk this path of angst that is set before me right now. Not that I’d choose it if I could choose, but I’m definitely curious . . . I think something significant might very well happen.

  1. Terri says:

    ah, avoidance behaviors. something that i can truly say i specialize in. 🙂

    hope this nudging leads somewhere good.

  2. Rebekah says:

    One of my friends said this to me a few weeks ago, “rest in the mystery.” And that is SO hard for me. I’m more likely to gravitate towards worry or anxiety.

    • Sounds like good words from your friend. I think resting is hard for a lot of us, and when you add mystery to it, it’s just downright unAmerican. 😉 Hope it’s working for you, Rebekah. 🙂

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